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CORUSCATING HELLHOLE OF DERISION AND TOILET HUMOR.

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Your name is Karkat Vantas; you are a 10 sweep old, mutant-blooded troll and you don't know what the hell you're doing.

meddlingfashionista:

He Is Well Past The Bitey Grub Phase

I Should Hope He Never Experiences The Urge To Gnaw On Me Again

Frankly The Only Scenario I Can Imagine Is Him Somehow Becoming A Rainbow Drinker Too And That Is The Opposite Of What I Want For Him

I DOUBT THAT WILL HAPPEN, WHICH IS PRETTY BOLD OF ME TO SAY AS SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS VERY LITTLE ABOUT THE WHOLE “BECOMING WHAT I ONCE ASSUMED WAS A FICTIONAL CREATURE OF THE NIGHT” BIT. 

OR EVEN IF IT DID, HE’S GOT YOU TO TEACH HIM HOW TO SAVOR BLOOD PACKS FRESH FROM THE THERMAL HULL AND ON THE DELICATE WAYS OF RESISTING RIPE NECK MEATS, SO REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS THERE’S NOT MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT. 

meddlingfashionista:

It Is Entirely Possible He Is Putting On An Act To Appease Me And Lull Me Into A False Sense Of Comfort

But That Would Mean He Is Pulling Some Sort Of Long Con Here

And I Am Not Certain A Five Year Old Is Capable Of Such Complex Machinations

I Mean He Still Acts Bratty From Time To Time

He Has Been Sulking All Through My Cold Because It Means I Will Not Take Him To The Movies

HELL IF I KNOW, I’M JUST PITCHING OUT MY SUSPICIONS. IT’S NOT LIKE I HAVE ANY WORLDLY KNOWLEDGE ON CHILDREN. AT LEAST, NOTHING BEYOND MANUALLY WHIPPING THEM OUT OF GOOEY PODS OR HOW TO PRY A WIGGLER’S DROOLING JAWS OFF OF VARIOUS BODY PARTS. IF HE EVER TAKES ON A BITE OF YOU, GIVE ME A RING, OTHERWISE I’M AS USELESS AN ADVISER AS THE NEXT GUY. 

ahabsiconoclast:

BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA

 > Hang up

"This is absolutely the opposite of why I gave you my most utmost special secret fucking communicator frequency, Eridan. Expect consequences." 

> Click

meddlingfashionista:

The One Cinematic Example I Can Think Of Is Three Men And A Little Lady But The Boarding School Was Not Painted In An Appealing Light There So I Suppose Your Point Stands

Azazel Is Capable Of Being Both Charming And Irritating
Because He Is A Child And That Is How Young Creatures Of Any Species Are

I Sent Him To Boarding School Because With My Shop And Equiuss Wrestling Career Our Time With Him Is Limited And He Can Get Up To All Sorts Of Mischief On His Own

Plus The School I Found Had An Impeccable Reputation And I Thought It Would Benefit Him To Meet Other Youngsters

He Used To Be Quite An Antisocial Odd Creature

I Think It Has Done Wonders For His Personality

ALRIGHT, SO HE’S BACK FOR THE SUMMER, AND THEN PRESUMABLY IS GETTING SHIPPED OFF AGAIN IN THE FALL? SOUNDS LIKE A DEAL, AND IT GIVES YOU ENOUGH TIME APART TO MISS HIM. 

ARE YOU SURE HE’S REALLY DONE A 180, THOUGH? IF HE’S AS TRICKY A LITTLE BASTARD AS YOU’RE STORIES HAVE INDICATED, I DOUBT A LITTLE TIME AWAY FROM HOME WOULD DO A LOT, UNLESS HE’S FAKING. 

ahabsiconoclast:

Suddenly you ping in Karkat on your wrist communicator. 

"KAR"

> The only response is a muffled “WHAT THE FUCK" and the noise of something toppling. 

meddlingfashionista:

No No Not Actual Prisoners I Was Being Colorful

I Was Referring To His Schoolmates

This Past Year He Has Been Attending Boarding School

Which I Assume You Must Be At Least Remotely Familiar With From Your Vast Experience With Romantic Comedy Films

But If Not Allow Me To Illuminate You

It Is An Educational Facility In Which The Children Live Full Time Instead Of Returning To Their Parents Or Guardians At The End Of Each School Day

They Typically Return For Holidays And The Summer Months Though

And Yes There Are Troll Wigglers There As Well As Human Spawn

I KNOW WHAT BOARDING SCHOOL IS, DESPITE THE STAGGERING NUMBER OF MISSED OPPORTUNITIES FOR A ROMANTIC FILM TO PICK YET ANOTHER ANGSTY EDUCATIONAL SETTING FOR THE MOODY PROTAGONIST TO RUMINATE WITHIN WHILE PACING THE GROUNDS IN AN UGLY UNIFORM WHILE THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE FAWNS OVER A TEACHER/CLASSMATE/FICTIONAL IDENTITY/ECT. 

WHY’D YOU SEND HIM OFF TO BOARDING SCHOOL? ASIDE FROM HIM BEING AN INTOLERABLE SPUD SCRAPED OFF OF YOUR GENETIC NUTRITION PLATEAU. UNLESS HE HAS, OF COURSE, GROWN INTO A CHARMING LAD SINCE THE LAST I HEARD OF HIS EXPLOITS. 

lemoro:

I was doodling and i suddenly remembered this cake challenge video with tyler oakley and miles jai

lemoro:

I was doodling and i suddenly remembered this cake challenge video with tyler oakley and miles jai

— carcinogenicGallantry [CG] began trolling arsenicCatalyst [AC] at 02:05 —

AC: :33 < y3333s? :oo

— arsenicCatalyst [AC] changed their mood to OFFLINE  —

— arsenicCatalyst [AC] changed their mood to PERKY  —

AC: :33 < oop, that was weird

CG: “YES” NOTHING, I’M HERE TO ENGAGE IN PLEASANT SMALL TALK, BECAUSE I CLEARLY DON’T GET ENOUGH STIMULUS FROM THE MASS OF ESTRANGED TROLLS AND DIFFERENT ITERATIONS OF THE SAME 4-8 HUMANS LITTERING MY BLOGROLL.

AC: :33 < and you picked me? im flattered :PP

CG: IF BY “PICKED YOU” YOU MEAN “CHOSE THE ONLY IMMEDIATE OPTION CURRENTLY ONLINE” THEN YES, I DEFINITELY CHOSE YOU.

AC: :33 < still counts!

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The heart makes its choices without weighing the consequences. It doesn’t look ahead to the lonely nights that follow.

-

Tess Gerritsen

Everything you love is here

(via lovequotesrus)